Today I got a hold of a really shitty film. In fact , I think this deserves a place in the closet of bad movies of all time.
The movie was about a Gangster "mom" from the 30's who robbed banks along with his four sons. It was prominently named "Public enemies (A.k.a "public enemy #1)" . I happen to think that they should've called a mob-hit on the guy who wrote the screenplay and made the director sleep with the fishes while wearing cement-boots. No , really , it was that bad of a movie.
The realism-ratings of the movie were way off to begin with. "Mom" and his gang kill hundreds upon hundreds of FBI - agents in mediocre action and chase-scenes while dodging bullets like Neo&friends from the Matrix. Needless to say , it really becomes one boring experience real fast. And for some odd reason you don't really seem to connect with any of the main characters of the film either. And by these main characters I mean mom and his gang. So , they along with the whole movie isn't exactly a "Bonnie and Clyde" - experience either since the criminals here don't have any sort of charisma or savvy in them. They're just scum who'd need to be hanged on a public square and afterwards dogs could urinate on their bodies. Plus , mom and his boys have a really annoying southern drawl which make them sound like retarded baboons.
Some of the non-actions scenes are a pain in the ass too (although , as if the action-scenes wouldn't be enough of a pain-in-the-ass alone). They just involve drinking booze and messing around. So the only thing I was hoping for along the entire movie was that the FBI agent who led the special taskforce after mom and his boys would execute the whole bunch of sub-humans as soon as possible. And as painfully..as..possible.
I couldn't care two cents about the main characters in the movie. The sooner they were dead the better. And that's obviously the thing that the script-writer(s?) hadn't taken into account. They just couldn't grasp that in order for a gangster-movie to be successful the criminals have to have a certain amount of controversy in their characters. They need to charismatic so that the audience can agree to disagree about them being criminals to begin with. Now that , in my opinion , can be considered a good recepy for a gangster movie. As for this movie , it was a poorly executed action-movie with characters that didn't exactly matter to me for a cent.
I'll give it 1 star out of five and four in the scale of four to ten points. Don't watch this movie. Instead , focus your efforts on finding the home-address of the guy who wrote the script for this one. And when you find him , call John Gotti's gang on his worthless ass and wipe your ass with the script before applying the script-writer with a set of cement boots. Afterwards , he will be gone and no-one will remember that this movie ever existed. Everything returns back to status-quo.
* out of ***** (one star out of five)
4/10 (four points out of ten on a scale of four to ten)
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
The emotional space-race.
You know , today we've officially been together for one year with my girl. So it's a very special day.
She's absolutely amazing , you know. And to tell you the truth , I really couldn't be happier. This day changed my life last year. And it changed it forever. It gave me a purpose.
I've got to admit , though , that maybe I've been a bit too hasty on alot of things in our relationship from the start. It's been like an emotional space-race in which - according to my logic - the one who invents new ideas the fastest and actually executes them , shall win the day. So , one could say that alot has happened to us in just 365 days. Other couples could've just started learn stuff about each other in a year. But when it comes to us , things are a bit different.
Maybe this approach hasn't been the best. But , in this relationship with this specific girl , I've always wanted to be the first to do certain things. Thus I've been so quick in every manoeuvre or action that I've taken. Everything we've done has had to happen fast to that girl and it has had to happen with me , according to my logic. At some points , I've felt like the conqueror of an untouched land with the intent of grabbing as much of it to myself just so I can be the first one to wave the red flag and say , "I was the first one ! I did it !"
Why have I not chosen the "slower approach" , you ask ? Well , all I can tell you is that I've wanted to act quickly in this specific way of approach. Mainly because the girl is the single most important thing to me in this world and therefore everything has had to happen fast.
She's absolutely amazing , you know. And to tell you the truth , I really couldn't be happier. This day changed my life last year. And it changed it forever. It gave me a purpose.
I've got to admit , though , that maybe I've been a bit too hasty on alot of things in our relationship from the start. It's been like an emotional space-race in which - according to my logic - the one who invents new ideas the fastest and actually executes them , shall win the day. So , one could say that alot has happened to us in just 365 days. Other couples could've just started learn stuff about each other in a year. But when it comes to us , things are a bit different.
Maybe this approach hasn't been the best. But , in this relationship with this specific girl , I've always wanted to be the first to do certain things. Thus I've been so quick in every manoeuvre or action that I've taken. Everything we've done has had to happen fast to that girl and it has had to happen with me , according to my logic. At some points , I've felt like the conqueror of an untouched land with the intent of grabbing as much of it to myself just so I can be the first one to wave the red flag and say , "I was the first one ! I did it !"
Why have I not chosen the "slower approach" , you ask ? Well , all I can tell you is that I've wanted to act quickly in this specific way of approach. Mainly because the girl is the single most important thing to me in this world and therefore everything has had to happen fast.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Celebrity look-alikes.
You know how your boyfriend/girlfriend always tells you how you look just a little bit like a celebrity ? "Oh my god , you look just like XXX.. That chin is like totally him/her"..
Well , I decided to give it a try , but since I'm an egoistic son-of-a-bitch I ordered the computer to do the match-making for me. As always , things seem to get really fucked up when that happens.
The results of the great "Which celebrities do I look like the most" - evaluation (with my face included) are inside this link !! Hold your breath !
You know , I don't have the slightest idea who my second "look-alike" even is , but I bet he acts in various romantic comedies as the guy who will always be dumped for somebody else. And apparently the machine thinks I'm a black man too , although I see very few similarities with me and that dude. As for the third option , let's just hope that my girlfriend considers "him" handsome enough.
Well , I decided to give it a try , but since I'm an egoistic son-of-a-bitch I ordered the computer to do the match-making for me. As always , things seem to get really fucked up when that happens.
The results of the great "Which celebrities do I look like the most" - evaluation (with my face included) are inside this link !! Hold your breath !
You know , I don't have the slightest idea who my second "look-alike" even is , but I bet he acts in various romantic comedies as the guy who will always be dumped for somebody else. And apparently the machine thinks I'm a black man too , although I see very few similarities with me and that dude. As for the third option , let's just hope that my girlfriend considers "him" handsome enough.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Polygamy sucks - Here's proof !
Alright , so get this. There's a 56 - year old Ethiopian guy who has 11 wives and 77 children. His life has reached the point where he can't support his children anymore - much less the wives.
He also has trouble trying to remember the names for all of his children along with the fact that he is not even sure where all of his wives live. He concludes very prudently , that "people see me as a funny man, but there is no fun in my condition". Well , I happen to share the view of the majority and consider him a "funny man".
You know , people might think that it's so fucking easy being a muslim or a member of a pagan cult in the deepest jungles of Africa where polygamy is allowed and widely accepted. Well , you're wrong. Since , those people know as much about condoms as dogs know about building skyscrapers , thus causing a rather troublesome situation over the years. You've still got to support all of the kiddies once they grow up and have to deal with the wives too. I'd say that this dude didn't really know what he was getting into. And I don't really feel sorry for his situation. He should've kept his dick in his pants and settled with just one good woman like normal people.
This guy was supposed to be filthy rich until he married a dozen freakin' wives. But , naturally , all that glimmers is not gold and therefore he quickly lost all of his wealth while just supporting his family. It does make me chuckle , since this dude actually thinks that he is in dire straits whereas he has caused all of it for himself.
Good luck on finding all of your kids , Mr. "pimp daddy" !
He also has trouble trying to remember the names for all of his children along with the fact that he is not even sure where all of his wives live. He concludes very prudently , that "people see me as a funny man, but there is no fun in my condition". Well , I happen to share the view of the majority and consider him a "funny man".
You know , people might think that it's so fucking easy being a muslim or a member of a pagan cult in the deepest jungles of Africa where polygamy is allowed and widely accepted. Well , you're wrong. Since , those people know as much about condoms as dogs know about building skyscrapers , thus causing a rather troublesome situation over the years. You've still got to support all of the kiddies once they grow up and have to deal with the wives too. I'd say that this dude didn't really know what he was getting into. And I don't really feel sorry for his situation. He should've kept his dick in his pants and settled with just one good woman like normal people.
This guy was supposed to be filthy rich until he married a dozen freakin' wives. But , naturally , all that glimmers is not gold and therefore he quickly lost all of his wealth while just supporting his family. It does make me chuckle , since this dude actually thinks that he is in dire straits whereas he has caused all of it for himself.
Good luck on finding all of your kids , Mr. "pimp daddy" !
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
No title for this blog (cause' I can't come up with anything)
When I first started writing this blog me and my girlfriend had a good long talk. I asked her opinion about this. Of course she wasn't the only one who's opinion "got asked". But I her value her's the most.
She said , that she found a blog interesting if it was being written by a person she knew. It was interesting to read about the ordinary day of a person she knew. Well , I had to agree. A blog really becomes interesting when you know the person who the blog belongs to. That way , it's possible to get to know just a little bit more about the person. Although , I've been a bit of a shitty boyfriend lately and forgotten the address of her blog , I have to admit.
Usually a person tends to let something very personal inside his blog-postings. Like a small piece of his own world to come out waiting to be discovered. I'd say that , it is perfectly possible for the outside world to get to know you real well by only reading the stuff you write about. That is , of course , if you write considerable amounts of stuff and really put your heart into it. Although , it doesn't always have to be just that in order for your world to open up to people. "Quantity doesn't replace quality" , like the saying goes.
I remember about writing about a fake Bill Clinton and his blog as one of my earliest posts. It was quite humorous and an obvious fake , but the whole idea was interesting. A ex-president was telling everyone about his daily routines and how we hated the guy his daughter , Chelsea Clinton , was dating. I sometimes laughed really hard at the stuff this guy made up. But , as said before , no-one believed in it , of course. I saw a similar blog by a supposed "George W. Bush" , but that one was done with exactly zero effort. So , I didn't even bother to read it , even for laughs.
I think that guys like Saddam Hussein or Osama Bin Laden should get themselves a blog. I for one , would be interested on reading the stuff that Saddam Hussein would have to say about his daily routines and way of thinking. But , I doubt that they would allow him to one , still.
Guys like Hitler should've had a blog. You know , the way he spoke and agitated he would've had a billion freakin' comments a day along with some fanatical following. Chicks would've digged him too , I bet. Then he would've made a book , maybe the Mein Kampf , but this time it would've been "composed of his blog-postings".
She said , that she found a blog interesting if it was being written by a person she knew. It was interesting to read about the ordinary day of a person she knew. Well , I had to agree. A blog really becomes interesting when you know the person who the blog belongs to. That way , it's possible to get to know just a little bit more about the person. Although , I've been a bit of a shitty boyfriend lately and forgotten the address of her blog , I have to admit.
Usually a person tends to let something very personal inside his blog-postings. Like a small piece of his own world to come out waiting to be discovered. I'd say that , it is perfectly possible for the outside world to get to know you real well by only reading the stuff you write about. That is , of course , if you write considerable amounts of stuff and really put your heart into it. Although , it doesn't always have to be just that in order for your world to open up to people. "Quantity doesn't replace quality" , like the saying goes.
I remember about writing about a fake Bill Clinton and his blog as one of my earliest posts. It was quite humorous and an obvious fake , but the whole idea was interesting. A ex-president was telling everyone about his daily routines and how we hated the guy his daughter , Chelsea Clinton , was dating. I sometimes laughed really hard at the stuff this guy made up. But , as said before , no-one believed in it , of course. I saw a similar blog by a supposed "George W. Bush" , but that one was done with exactly zero effort. So , I didn't even bother to read it , even for laughs.
I think that guys like Saddam Hussein or Osama Bin Laden should get themselves a blog. I for one , would be interested on reading the stuff that Saddam Hussein would have to say about his daily routines and way of thinking. But , I doubt that they would allow him to one , still.
Guys like Hitler should've had a blog. You know , the way he spoke and agitated he would've had a billion freakin' comments a day along with some fanatical following. Chicks would've digged him too , I bet. Then he would've made a book , maybe the Mein Kampf , but this time it would've been "composed of his blog-postings".
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Day zero-two..
Everytime I look out of the window the gray sky is staring back at me. Makes me bored. I was down in the forest yesterday "squeezing off some rounds" with my pistol (don't worry , it doesn't shoot real ammunition , only 6mm BB's) . It was considerable fun and I even used these 6mm paintball-BB's for this special occasion. Can't say that they would've been of a good quality since about 40 % of them did not even crack open when they hit their target. Thus they just dropped to the ground harmlessly. Even the ones that worked just exploded with a little red smear on the target.
They weren't too expensive and I'll still need some time to test them on combat fatigues , BDU's etc. combat clothing in order to determine their exact value. You know , if they'll leave unwashable spots on your shirts , trousers , jackets etc. I have a extra green/olive fatigue set lying around back home that will surely suit this occasion and the forthcoming tests just well. Afterwards , I'll probably just throw it to the trashcan.
Anyway , the picture over there is the culmination of my free-time activities. Just sitting at home and drinking Coke. I've been building this tower out of the empty Coke cans , as you can see. I've even decided to call it the "Coke tower" , respectively. And I've still got a few cans left , so let's see how far it'll reach in a few days , alright ?
I also found this dude's server adress. It contained a few albums from the Finnish "love metal" band called HIM. You must've heard of them , right ? Since , you know , they're so famous and big these days. I downloaded the albums and I've spent most of my early morning hours listening to their stuff. Now , personally , I feel kinda shitty about this. I don't listen to "Him" since if doesn't play hard enough and the lyrics are all about killing yourself for love and how happiness is killing you (full of teenage angst , blah). I would have never imagined to be sitting here and listening to their material.
But , I've got to admit it. I'd rather listen to this than "Bripney Biers". She just sucks big time. And I'm generally pretty positive towards anything that has the name "metal" tagged on it. So , it can't be all bad , although it's pretty bad. Now I'll never listen to this stuff again and will make an effort on burying it to my backyard.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Day zero.
Let's talk something sensible this time , alright ?
A few days ago I saw this remake of the original "Texas chainsaw massacre". The remake was from the year 2003 and had a bunch of young actors in it getting killed by the chainsaw - wielding maniac , leatherface.
I was actually pretty surprised how good of a movie it was at first viewing. It wasn't a completely unrealistic teen-blood-gore-fest , but instead had a pretty intense atmosphere in it during the whole movie. The choice of actors for the youngsters' roles weren' t bad either , although it didn't matter much since 90 % of them got killed brutally anyway. But I liked the way they were portrayed as far as possible before they got chainsawed.
There's a bunch of other cool actors in the movie too. You remember Gunnery sergeant Hartman from Full metal jacket ? Well , R. Lee Ermey is in this movie too. He certainly does one disturbing role in it as a slightly ticked-off local law enforcement officer. I highly recommend this one. And , this one is a pretty gory flick too. Almost from the start you see everything the way it would happen in real life from gunshots through the head to getting your leg chopped off with a chainsaw. So lots of blood... And some more blood is to be expected.
It's a twisted movie from the start. All of the characters that the small group of youngsters seem to run into have something to hide in the small rural oasis that they have come across. All of the people seem to have a weird priority on making the youngsters leave as fast as they can. Although , as the lead-characters boyfriend suddenly "disappears" inside a ransacked old house , the show really starts getting on.
I highly recommend it. The original version certainly will always be the "original version" , but the remake doesn't fall too far from the original's path. Thank god some people have actually managed to make some good horror movies now. Since , they're not too many in numbers these days. So , on a scale of one to five starts I'll give it four and on a scale of 4 - 10 I'll give it an eight.
**** (four stars)
8/10 (eight points out of a maximum of 10)
A few days ago I saw this remake of the original "Texas chainsaw massacre". The remake was from the year 2003 and had a bunch of young actors in it getting killed by the chainsaw - wielding maniac , leatherface.
I was actually pretty surprised how good of a movie it was at first viewing. It wasn't a completely unrealistic teen-blood-gore-fest , but instead had a pretty intense atmosphere in it during the whole movie. The choice of actors for the youngsters' roles weren' t bad either , although it didn't matter much since 90 % of them got killed brutally anyway. But I liked the way they were portrayed as far as possible before they got chainsawed.
There's a bunch of other cool actors in the movie too. You remember Gunnery sergeant Hartman from Full metal jacket ? Well , R. Lee Ermey is in this movie too. He certainly does one disturbing role in it as a slightly ticked-off local law enforcement officer. I highly recommend this one. And , this one is a pretty gory flick too. Almost from the start you see everything the way it would happen in real life from gunshots through the head to getting your leg chopped off with a chainsaw. So lots of blood... And some more blood is to be expected.
It's a twisted movie from the start. All of the characters that the small group of youngsters seem to run into have something to hide in the small rural oasis that they have come across. All of the people seem to have a weird priority on making the youngsters leave as fast as they can. Although , as the lead-characters boyfriend suddenly "disappears" inside a ransacked old house , the show really starts getting on.
I highly recommend it. The original version certainly will always be the "original version" , but the remake doesn't fall too far from the original's path. Thank god some people have actually managed to make some good horror movies now. Since , they're not too many in numbers these days. So , on a scale of one to five starts I'll give it four and on a scale of 4 - 10 I'll give it an eight.
**** (four stars)
8/10 (eight points out of a maximum of 10)
Sunday, July 24, 2005
The waving cat - Maneki Neko.
The Maneki Neko - phenomenon
I was out in the city again last Friday and I was a man with a mission. I was searching a gift item to a certain person that I had decided to pay back some old dues - but in a positive way. Only in a positive way.
I found something quite interesting from the same oriental shop I had visited earlier. It was a cat. And the cat had it's right paw up in the air. It was waving to the passers-by. I bought it along with a red paper lamp with the same cat imprinted on it waving the same way. I tried to ask the old Asian woman at the counter if she knew anything about this cat. It was quite clear that it was indeed the same cat in both of these objects. However , the only thing that the woman at the counter could tell me , was that the cat was "waving for good luck". I had to know more from that point forward. I quickly found out all the answers I wanted - and more !
The Maneki Neko - cat is apparently a Japanese "lucky charm". Much in the same way as a Egyptian "Ankh" or the Irish four leafed clover. These things are supposed to bring you good luck with their waving. They are common in Japanese shops , restaurants etc. establishments and are sometimes situated near doors in order to greet any passers and customers with the paw-waving. But , as far as I've understood this sort of a cat could be situated almost anywhere in a house/office/apartment/building etc.
There are some very strict rules of conduct in order for a cat-statue to be qualified as a "Maneki Neko". First of all , it needs to have either one of it's frontal paws up in the air while it's sitting down. The color of a Maneki Neko is usually white but there are tri-colored , black , orange (even golden , as you can spot from my specimen !) etc. variants of the original one. However , the white Maneki Neko - cats still seem to be the most popular around , since white signifies purity to the lemon-colored characters... I mean the Japanese. The Maneki Neko is sometimes decorated with various "good luck bringing" messages written in Japanese. I have no idea of their actual translation , but I'm quite confident on saying that they are some sorts of messages bringing good luck.
Now, apparently the Maneki Neko - cat has existed , in one form or the other for a long time. It first appeared in various Japanese drawings and later on evolved to it's present (and very popular) form. A rather interesting variant of the Maneki Neko - cat was also concieved by various greedy store-owners , prostitutes and gambling house administrators in ancient Japan. The variant - unlike it's original form - made an "inviting gesture" with it's paw while putting on a lewd smile. This was supposed to attract customers i.g. for prostitutes. It would surely be interesting to find one of these "variants" too - I'd know just the person who to give one to ! Yeah , I'd probably give the cat with the inviting gesture to my girlfriend. "I bet she would love it".
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Normal day , for a change.
It's been a pretty normal day today. Although , it started to rain when we were in the city centre here. That kinda sucked since it postponed us going to a few shops.
When we got back, I picked up a package that had arrived for me. It contained the game called "Vietcong: fist alpha" that I bought for the rediculous price of just 99 crowns. Now , I'm not going to tell you why I had to buy the game AGAIN even though I thought I had it already. Needless to say , I have it now. So , end of story. I also watched the remake of "Texas motorsaw massacre". I'll tell you about it later on.
But anyway , I think I'm going to call this a day since I've got to go back to the city again tomorrow. I'll just go to bed now , folks. You have a good night out there in whatever activities you've concieved for yourself. And special wishes for my girl who's sleeping in her bed care-free , I hope. Have fun painting tomorrow.
Good night !
When we got back, I picked up a package that had arrived for me. It contained the game called "Vietcong: fist alpha" that I bought for the rediculous price of just 99 crowns. Now , I'm not going to tell you why I had to buy the game AGAIN even though I thought I had it already. Needless to say , I have it now. So , end of story. I also watched the remake of "Texas motorsaw massacre". I'll tell you about it later on.
But anyway , I think I'm going to call this a day since I've got to go back to the city again tomorrow. I'll just go to bed now , folks. You have a good night out there in whatever activities you've concieved for yourself. And special wishes for my girl who's sleeping in her bed care-free , I hope. Have fun painting tomorrow.
Good night !
Friday, July 22, 2005
There's no place like hom.. Sipoo.
I live in the southern part of Finland. It's the most densely populated region in the country because of Helsinki , the capital. But , just because it's got a lot of folk living in it , doesn't mean that there wouldn't be large spots of backwoods and desolate wastelands left.
I've lived in this small agricultural municipality of Sipoo as long as I can remember. I know that the whole place has kept me in it's tight grip ever since... You know , "ever since". It's the country. The mailman knows your name and greets you every morning and nobody bothers to lock their doors because everybody knows that the criminals never hit your house since it's in the middle of nowhere. Your cousins live pretty close to you and everybody moves into your area in search for the "nice and simple life". You can see a tractor from your bedroom window. In the potato field close to you , there's an annual harvest of potatoes proceeding. People like to stalk elk and moose in the vast forests with their bolt-action hunting rifles (not that I would have anything against it , though) and get wasted with cheap liquer afterwards.
My mom keeps telling me that I wasn't born here and that's there are other places in the world besides vast open fields and dark woods. Yeah , she should know because this place is like a purgatory where all the bad people end up to be processed on their way to either eternal damnation or the ticket to the train bound for escape. It's like existing between heaven and hell.
Some parts of Sipoo has your normal sub-urban living standards and big concrete blocks of flats like in the big cities. But where I live it's just woods and a few highways leading to the neighbouring county of Porvoo. Now let me tell you , anyone's who's sensible enough will escape to Porvoo or as far as your feet can carry you. And , still going as far as you can possibly run will probably get you to a more pleasant location than Porvoo. No offence.
The municipality does not have a police-force. It used to have a small contigent of officers back when I was a little kid living in Nikkilä several years ago (the largest concentration of population in the area is located there) , but these days it don't have anything. In case of an emergency requiring the law enforcement to show up , they'll bring the police right from Kerava , Porvoo or as far as Helsinki. So , in this place , crime does really pay since by the time the police have shown up to your location the criminal has had plenty of time to detonate several bombs , rob seven banks , take hostages and send a post card to Antarctica. You know , maybe Osama Bin Laden should come over here and just hide in the woods. I'll guarantee that if it would be up to the local police to catch him or even try to pinpoint his location , it would take centuries.
I've wanted to get out of this place as long as I can remember. It didn't suit me then and it certainly doesn't suit me now. Although , I would like to say that I have adapted to this over the years. In other words , I've grown up in the country. Now , I've got nothing against it either. But , by now , I'm pretty damn interested on relocating to another piece of "country" right here in this land. So yes , I'm very much fed-up with this place. They call this place the slum-area before Helsinki. Some wise people have even claimed that this place is the "Turku of Finland". But , none of that is true. This place is just the backwoods.
A few months ago I read a pretty "shitty" (no pun intended) article about the plans that the people of Helsinki have for this place. Well , turns out , that the inhabitants of the "best city in this country" need a place where to dump their waste and garbage. So , they've selected Sipoo as the municipality where to build a landfill site. For now , the hardcore Sipoo-patriots have managed to foil the plan. But , as it seems , they won't be able to do it forever. So , Helsinki is like the big brother of doom hanging on top of this place. But , I'm not worried. Because , actually , I think it would be a pretty fitting end to this place. To you know , drown in Shit.
Nikkilä (pronounced "Nikki-laeh" for you kind foreigners out there) , the small village that acts as the centre of all evil in this place is a pretty fucking weird place too. I lived there for.. over nine years. Sometimes it feels like a weird social experiment from where you can't escape. Let me tell you some facts about the place.
First of all , the public transportation system is a joke. You get about three busses going to other places than Sipoo a day there. After six o'clock in the evening , there will be no busses going or coming into Nikkilä at all. So , you can't get away from the village during the night. So , you're stuck there. The village centre is also littered with these small shops that look like they're from the 60's or something. These shops sell - much to our surprise - clothes that look like something out of the 60's. The old grandma's sitting behind the counters also look like people that have time-warped to 2005 from the 60's.
The town also falls dead quiet during the early morning hours. I've seen and experienced it several times in the past. It's actually pretty all-encompassing and peculiar at the same time when the first rays of the rising sun hit the painted metal surface of the nearest traffic sign and you can honestly say to yourself , "I think I'm the only one alive in this place".
You know , everyone in Nikkilä has problems. I'm also quite convinced that everyone in Sipoo has problems. If someone else tells you otherwise , then he is a liar. And therefore has problems. And will go to hell. Soon. Very soon.
My advice to you is this; don't ever come here. This place is the nest of the devil and I'm quite convinced that Nikkilä is the place where they modelled Silent hill after. Since , both of them seem to be places where it's impossible to escape from along with the fact that they're full of fucked up and insane people with a few sane exceptions.
I've lived in this small agricultural municipality of Sipoo as long as I can remember. I know that the whole place has kept me in it's tight grip ever since... You know , "ever since". It's the country. The mailman knows your name and greets you every morning and nobody bothers to lock their doors because everybody knows that the criminals never hit your house since it's in the middle of nowhere. Your cousins live pretty close to you and everybody moves into your area in search for the "nice and simple life". You can see a tractor from your bedroom window. In the potato field close to you , there's an annual harvest of potatoes proceeding. People like to stalk elk and moose in the vast forests with their bolt-action hunting rifles (not that I would have anything against it , though) and get wasted with cheap liquer afterwards.
My mom keeps telling me that I wasn't born here and that's there are other places in the world besides vast open fields and dark woods. Yeah , she should know because this place is like a purgatory where all the bad people end up to be processed on their way to either eternal damnation or the ticket to the train bound for escape. It's like existing between heaven and hell.
Some parts of Sipoo has your normal sub-urban living standards and big concrete blocks of flats like in the big cities. But where I live it's just woods and a few highways leading to the neighbouring county of Porvoo. Now let me tell you , anyone's who's sensible enough will escape to Porvoo or as far as your feet can carry you. And , still going as far as you can possibly run will probably get you to a more pleasant location than Porvoo. No offence.
The municipality does not have a police-force. It used to have a small contigent of officers back when I was a little kid living in Nikkilä several years ago (the largest concentration of population in the area is located there) , but these days it don't have anything. In case of an emergency requiring the law enforcement to show up , they'll bring the police right from Kerava , Porvoo or as far as Helsinki. So , in this place , crime does really pay since by the time the police have shown up to your location the criminal has had plenty of time to detonate several bombs , rob seven banks , take hostages and send a post card to Antarctica. You know , maybe Osama Bin Laden should come over here and just hide in the woods. I'll guarantee that if it would be up to the local police to catch him or even try to pinpoint his location , it would take centuries.
I've wanted to get out of this place as long as I can remember. It didn't suit me then and it certainly doesn't suit me now. Although , I would like to say that I have adapted to this over the years. In other words , I've grown up in the country. Now , I've got nothing against it either. But , by now , I'm pretty damn interested on relocating to another piece of "country" right here in this land. So yes , I'm very much fed-up with this place. They call this place the slum-area before Helsinki. Some wise people have even claimed that this place is the "Turku of Finland". But , none of that is true. This place is just the backwoods.
A few months ago I read a pretty "shitty" (no pun intended) article about the plans that the people of Helsinki have for this place. Well , turns out , that the inhabitants of the "best city in this country" need a place where to dump their waste and garbage. So , they've selected Sipoo as the municipality where to build a landfill site. For now , the hardcore Sipoo-patriots have managed to foil the plan. But , as it seems , they won't be able to do it forever. So , Helsinki is like the big brother of doom hanging on top of this place. But , I'm not worried. Because , actually , I think it would be a pretty fitting end to this place. To you know , drown in Shit.
Nikkilä (pronounced "Nikki-laeh" for you kind foreigners out there) , the small village that acts as the centre of all evil in this place is a pretty fucking weird place too. I lived there for.. over nine years. Sometimes it feels like a weird social experiment from where you can't escape. Let me tell you some facts about the place.
First of all , the public transportation system is a joke. You get about three busses going to other places than Sipoo a day there. After six o'clock in the evening , there will be no busses going or coming into Nikkilä at all. So , you can't get away from the village during the night. So , you're stuck there. The village centre is also littered with these small shops that look like they're from the 60's or something. These shops sell - much to our surprise - clothes that look like something out of the 60's. The old grandma's sitting behind the counters also look like people that have time-warped to 2005 from the 60's.
The town also falls dead quiet during the early morning hours. I've seen and experienced it several times in the past. It's actually pretty all-encompassing and peculiar at the same time when the first rays of the rising sun hit the painted metal surface of the nearest traffic sign and you can honestly say to yourself , "I think I'm the only one alive in this place".
You know , everyone in Nikkilä has problems. I'm also quite convinced that everyone in Sipoo has problems. If someone else tells you otherwise , then he is a liar. And therefore has problems. And will go to hell. Soon. Very soon.
My advice to you is this; don't ever come here. This place is the nest of the devil and I'm quite convinced that Nikkilä is the place where they modelled Silent hill after. Since , both of them seem to be places where it's impossible to escape from along with the fact that they're full of fucked up and insane people with a few sane exceptions.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Anal-yzing lyrics (part 2).
Sometimes you should just pay attention more than anything else.
This time , it was a pretty old song from the bubblegum-pop-band called "Aqua" (they're Danish , duh). This time my ears decided to fool me on a single sentence on their "cartoon heroes" - track.
It's actually pretty sick. But , here goes , since even if this happened several years ago it sure was embaressing even then. So , here's the complete lyrics for the song. The "problem" arose in the part where they were singing like this:
Here comes Spiderman, arachnophobian
Welcome to the toon town party
Here comes Superman, from never-neverland
Welcome to the toon town party
So , they were singing "Arachnophobian" afterall. But , guess what I heard ? Let me show you;
Here comes Spiderman, Necrophiliac (HOLY SHIT MAN ! What a mistake!)
Welcome to the toon town party
Here comes Superman, from never-neverland
Welcome to the toon town party
..I'm going to shut up now and hide in the corner over there..
This time , it was a pretty old song from the bubblegum-pop-band called "Aqua" (they're Danish , duh). This time my ears decided to fool me on a single sentence on their "cartoon heroes" - track.
It's actually pretty sick. But , here goes , since even if this happened several years ago it sure was embaressing even then. So , here's the complete lyrics for the song. The "problem" arose in the part where they were singing like this:
Here comes Spiderman, arachnophobian
Welcome to the toon town party
Here comes Superman, from never-neverland
Welcome to the toon town party
So , they were singing "Arachnophobian" afterall. But , guess what I heard ? Let me show you;
Here comes Spiderman, Necrophiliac (HOLY SHIT MAN ! What a mistake!)
Welcome to the toon town party
Here comes Superman, from never-neverland
Welcome to the toon town party
..I'm going to shut up now and hide in the corner over there..
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
And so I discovered... I was not alone.
There are times when I feel like the dumbest and most un-innovative bastard to have walked this miserable piece of earth. You know , I really do. It seemed like , whatever I tried to concieve out from the deep bowels of my mind , it all came out as totally crappy and in the end failed miserably.
I guess I started feeling this way when I finally realized that the book I had been writing for several years wasn't going to finish itself without my considerable assistance. It stoned me for several months and then the months turned into years and the years turned... You know the rest. But , just today I actually found someone else who had made something equally dumb and almost as useless and completely in the wrong context ! I'm relieved , in a way.
So then , there's a gunsmith in Russia. His name is Pavel Savinin and he lives in the city of Tula. He , like many other fellow countrymen these days , seems to be very concerned over the rampant and violent levels of street crimes in Russia. As a gunsmith , you'd think that he'd have developed a huge freakin' 5-megaton-bazooka-guided-missile-launcher-assault-shotgun-rifle with laser and plasma grenade launchers to combat these levels of crimes. But no , he hasn't. Instead , he has developed a 45cm toothbrush with the weight of 800 grams as the weapon "everybody should have in order to fight street-crimes". Mr. Savinin has plans to get this weapon of his to industrial mass-production as soon as possible. And you know , I really wouldn't be that surprised if someone in Russia would actually agree to his plans.
The inspiration for this deadly weapon , according to the gunsmith , was found through his fear of dentists and passionate hate for the toothpaste-commercials seen on the television.
You know , this guy is likely about a few centuries too late. You would assume that any sensible person would just buy a gun and protect himself that way. But , this guy is apparently quite convinced that his "weapons" will work. I'd really like to see the sales-figures for his toothbrush-weapons in a few months... or years.
Although , to think of it , maybe you can't buy guns the same way in Russia as you can in many other places. Thus the conclusion being that... The toothbrushes are definately their.. last hope..
Well , I beat him anyway.
I guess I started feeling this way when I finally realized that the book I had been writing for several years wasn't going to finish itself without my considerable assistance. It stoned me for several months and then the months turned into years and the years turned... You know the rest. But , just today I actually found someone else who had made something equally dumb and almost as useless and completely in the wrong context ! I'm relieved , in a way.
So then , there's a gunsmith in Russia. His name is Pavel Savinin and he lives in the city of Tula. He , like many other fellow countrymen these days , seems to be very concerned over the rampant and violent levels of street crimes in Russia. As a gunsmith , you'd think that he'd have developed a huge freakin' 5-megaton-bazooka-guided-missile-launcher-assault-shotgun-rifle with laser and plasma grenade launchers to combat these levels of crimes. But no , he hasn't. Instead , he has developed a 45cm toothbrush with the weight of 800 grams as the weapon "everybody should have in order to fight street-crimes". Mr. Savinin has plans to get this weapon of his to industrial mass-production as soon as possible. And you know , I really wouldn't be that surprised if someone in Russia would actually agree to his plans.
The inspiration for this deadly weapon , according to the gunsmith , was found through his fear of dentists and passionate hate for the toothpaste-commercials seen on the television.
You know , this guy is likely about a few centuries too late. You would assume that any sensible person would just buy a gun and protect himself that way. But , this guy is apparently quite convinced that his "weapons" will work. I'd really like to see the sales-figures for his toothbrush-weapons in a few months... or years.
Although , to think of it , maybe you can't buy guns the same way in Russia as you can in many other places. Thus the conclusion being that... The toothbrushes are definately their.. last hope..
Well , I beat him anyway.
Beer-drinkers and hellraisers.
Like many of you other guys and gals out there , I've always been amazed by the man show's "the fox". Like , he is an old guy who sings dirty songs and afterwards gulps down two huge pints of beer with just one throw !
You know , that is pretty impressive. To just gulp down two pints of beer instantly like that. He doesn't swallow much while he does it either. And it doesn't seem like he has much of a trouble on "drinking" like that , either. I've always wondered how is that possible since I remember reading about a "local" guy who tried to pull a similar stunt with 40 % alcohol. Now , it was a bottle of our national "past-time drink" called Koskenkorva. The only problem was , that the instant this dude gulped down the alcohol , he dropped dead. You know , it is quite possible that he was quite possibly the dumbest man in Finland. Of course , who inherited his throne afterwards is still a mystery (although I could name a large amount of "heirs to the throne" and we could possibly see them gulp down petrol with a small amount of money).
I mean , imagine that. If he was trying to impress the ladies or just be a king of the local "good old boys" then I'd say he didn't quite succeed. But , on the positive side , he made it to the local "yellow press" newspaper of iltasanomat. Or , maybe it was iltalehti (the first and only official yellow-press competitor to iltasanomat). Well , it doesn't matter since both of these newspapers are only good for one thing; wiping your ass if all the toilet-paper has ran out. Although , I'd suggest on reading the comics first (they're situated on the last few pages).
Some of you comedians out there might say that "alcohol can kill you faster than you might think". Well , now we have undisputed evidence of that. And , I am kind of hoping that if any of you youngsters decide to have drink , for god sakes , don't try the stuff that you've read from the yellow press newspapers and for god sakes don't try swallow beer like the fox does !
You know , that is pretty impressive. To just gulp down two pints of beer instantly like that. He doesn't swallow much while he does it either. And it doesn't seem like he has much of a trouble on "drinking" like that , either. I've always wondered how is that possible since I remember reading about a "local" guy who tried to pull a similar stunt with 40 % alcohol. Now , it was a bottle of our national "past-time drink" called Koskenkorva. The only problem was , that the instant this dude gulped down the alcohol , he dropped dead. You know , it is quite possible that he was quite possibly the dumbest man in Finland. Of course , who inherited his throne afterwards is still a mystery (although I could name a large amount of "heirs to the throne" and we could possibly see them gulp down petrol with a small amount of money).
I mean , imagine that. If he was trying to impress the ladies or just be a king of the local "good old boys" then I'd say he didn't quite succeed. But , on the positive side , he made it to the local "yellow press" newspaper of iltasanomat. Or , maybe it was iltalehti (the first and only official yellow-press competitor to iltasanomat). Well , it doesn't matter since both of these newspapers are only good for one thing; wiping your ass if all the toilet-paper has ran out. Although , I'd suggest on reading the comics first (they're situated on the last few pages).
Some of you comedians out there might say that "alcohol can kill you faster than you might think". Well , now we have undisputed evidence of that. And , I am kind of hoping that if any of you youngsters decide to have drink , for god sakes , don't try the stuff that you've read from the yellow press newspapers and for god sakes don't try swallow beer like the fox does !
More mystical creatures.
Guess what ?
I went to that shop I bought the-- The... umm... Lion-dogs from ! Yeah , Jena and Lucifer.. They're doing just fine on top of that table. But , I'll tell you that this time I bought some pretty bizarre looking things.
Damn , you people should see them. And well , if you're really nice and supportive then I'll show them to you too. But , to the main question; what did I buy ?
I bought a large frog in the same paint-scheme that the.. umm..umm.. lion-dog statues were made out of. And it's got these red shiny eyes along with it. It's standing on top of a large amount of coins and it's mouth is open. Then like , you get a small coin with Chinese letters printed on it to go with it. You're supposed to stick the small coin inside the frog's mouth. It's like , supposed to bring you fortune and all. I've been thinking over some names to the frog , and I haven't thought of anything really concrete. Maybe "George" or "Kaaleppi" might do ?
My second acquisition was a traditional dragon. It's holding a ball in one hand and it's got this really wicked gaze too. It's smaller than the first two , but it's not a bad looking little beast at all. His or her name is still under consideration depending on his/her gender. Plus , the dragon's got the same crimson paint on it too.
I went to that shop I bought the-- The... umm... Lion-dogs from ! Yeah , Jena and Lucifer.. They're doing just fine on top of that table. But , I'll tell you that this time I bought some pretty bizarre looking things.
Damn , you people should see them. And well , if you're really nice and supportive then I'll show them to you too. But , to the main question; what did I buy ?
I bought a large frog in the same paint-scheme that the.. umm..umm.. lion-dog statues were made out of. And it's got these red shiny eyes along with it. It's standing on top of a large amount of coins and it's mouth is open. Then like , you get a small coin with Chinese letters printed on it to go with it. You're supposed to stick the small coin inside the frog's mouth. It's like , supposed to bring you fortune and all. I've been thinking over some names to the frog , and I haven't thought of anything really concrete. Maybe "George" or "Kaaleppi" might do ?
My second acquisition was a traditional dragon. It's holding a ball in one hand and it's got this really wicked gaze too. It's smaller than the first two , but it's not a bad looking little beast at all. His or her name is still under consideration depending on his/her gender. Plus , the dragon's got the same crimson paint on it too.
Basics of wilderness survival.
They've teached me how to sleep in holes.
Yeah , we've never known anything as civilized as tents. You do not sleep in tents because they are for the faint-of-spirit. That's what they've been telling me. And who are they ? Well , they are the guys I play airsoft with. Or , more like , the ex-guys I've done it with.
"They gave me a shovel and told me to dig". And that's what I've been doing too every single time that we've had to sleep out in the field. Luckily however , we haven't done that too often since I'd get pretty damn tired of digging holes in a few years.
But , how do I dig a hole for me to sleep in , huh ? Well , I'll tell you. First , you need a shovel and then you'll just start digging. Dig for as long as it takes for your squad-leader (or , if you're alone as I am most of the times these days , then your judgement will do ) to call the hole "acceptable" for temporary sleeping quarters. Then , the best thing would probably to put something soft to the bottom of the hole so that it'll be an easier spot to sleep on. I use branches from pine trees and birch-trees if they're available. Then , the next step will be to camouflage your little fox-hole.
Why exactly would I need to camouflage it , you ask ? Well , the enemy squad's still going to come and eliminate you even if you're taking a nap while your boots are hanging out of the hole. Although , I prefer to just curl myself up in the small hole and sleep.
But , in order to stay on topic , I'll tell you how to make a funny little camouflaged "lid" for your fox-hole. You can pull it on top of the hole while you're inside and hopefully it will provide you with some cover for the night.
Firstly go and seek some really long and thick branches from the aforementioned birch/pine - trees. Depending on the size of the hole you might need alot of them , or just a small amount. Next , you need to somehow attach the branches together. You can use all sorts of stuff to tie them together , or you can just use some sort of a cord or rope (if you're packing it with you , that is). When you've managed to tie the branches together your lid for the hole is ready. So , at this point , it's time to say good-night and pull the lid on top of the hole while your laying/sitting in there. Now , it won't make it any more comfortable , but that thing will be alot comfortable to have on top of that hole when it's raining , for an example.
Now , sometimes when you're either too tired or too unwilling to start digging a hole large enough for you to sleep on , this happens (and I'm referring to the picture on the bottom - no offense to airforce - personnel) . You just take your rain poncho and curl inside it with your rifle and sleep there. I've used my helmet as a pillow , but I'll tell you that it will surely make your neck so very sore in the morning. But , sleeping out in the open can be done really fast too , as you can see. Just be sure to seek some cover and don't decide to sleep in the middle of the road either. Or , very open areas.
Digging a hole will surely take several hours. But , it sure is worth it more than all the other options.
Yeah , we've never known anything as civilized as tents. You do not sleep in tents because they are for the faint-of-spirit. That's what they've been telling me. And who are they ? Well , they are the guys I play airsoft with. Or , more like , the ex-guys I've done it with.
"They gave me a shovel and told me to dig". And that's what I've been doing too every single time that we've had to sleep out in the field. Luckily however , we haven't done that too often since I'd get pretty damn tired of digging holes in a few years.
But , how do I dig a hole for me to sleep in , huh ? Well , I'll tell you. First , you need a shovel and then you'll just start digging. Dig for as long as it takes for your squad-leader (or , if you're alone as I am most of the times these days , then your judgement will do ) to call the hole "acceptable" for temporary sleeping quarters. Then , the best thing would probably to put something soft to the bottom of the hole so that it'll be an easier spot to sleep on. I use branches from pine trees and birch-trees if they're available. Then , the next step will be to camouflage your little fox-hole.
Why exactly would I need to camouflage it , you ask ? Well , the enemy squad's still going to come and eliminate you even if you're taking a nap while your boots are hanging out of the hole. Although , I prefer to just curl myself up in the small hole and sleep.
But , in order to stay on topic , I'll tell you how to make a funny little camouflaged "lid" for your fox-hole. You can pull it on top of the hole while you're inside and hopefully it will provide you with some cover for the night.
Firstly go and seek some really long and thick branches from the aforementioned birch/pine - trees. Depending on the size of the hole you might need alot of them , or just a small amount. Next , you need to somehow attach the branches together. You can use all sorts of stuff to tie them together , or you can just use some sort of a cord or rope (if you're packing it with you , that is). When you've managed to tie the branches together your lid for the hole is ready. So , at this point , it's time to say good-night and pull the lid on top of the hole while your laying/sitting in there. Now , it won't make it any more comfortable , but that thing will be alot comfortable to have on top of that hole when it's raining , for an example.
Now , sometimes when you're either too tired or too unwilling to start digging a hole large enough for you to sleep on , this happens (and I'm referring to the picture on the bottom - no offense to airforce - personnel) . You just take your rain poncho and curl inside it with your rifle and sleep there. I've used my helmet as a pillow , but I'll tell you that it will surely make your neck so very sore in the morning. But , sleeping out in the open can be done really fast too , as you can see. Just be sure to seek some cover and don't decide to sleep in the middle of the road either. Or , very open areas.
Digging a hole will surely take several hours. But , it sure is worth it more than all the other options.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Anal-yzing lyrics.
So like , you know the song "Big yellow taxi" by "Counting crows" ?
Well , a pretty peculiar thing happened to me about a year ago concerning this song. And I'm pretty certain that it has something to do with political correctness. Although , in my opinion , "very vaguely" , I would say.
So , the story starts with one of my study-books for English. You know , the sorts of books that you use in your studies and they have all sorts of grammar , pronounciation etc. exercises for you. So , at this one page , there's the lyrics of this "Big yellow taxi" - song printed on it. I can't remember for sure , but I guess it had something to do with the text the opposite page was about. But for some reason , I remembered this one part about the song that just didn't seem to add up with the original lyrics of the song.
Once again , don't ask me how was that possible at all. But, this one little thing in the lyrics at this part really puzzled me. Just look;
listenin' late last night
i heard the screen door slam
and a big yellow taxi took my girl away
now, don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you've got
til its gone
they paved paradise
and put up a parking lot
Alright , I want you to pay special attention to the part I bolded and painted with red. Since , in the book , this part went like this:
listenin' late last night
i heard the screen door slam
and a big yellow taxi took away my old man (Ouch , WTF ?!)
now, don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you've got
til its gone
they paved paradise
and put up a parking lot
I was a bit puzzled at first. Since , by god , what did the guy's old man have to do with this song ?! Absolutely fucking nothing ! It was a corny love song of some pop-rock band !? But you know , bringing in the old man surely twisted the plot but not much else. Therefore I wondered. What was the reason behind this little change in lyrics ? I could only come up with an answer that had something to do with political correctness. But , how had that piece of the lyrics broken political correctness , exactly ?
They should really put this thing into the X-files , man.
Well , a pretty peculiar thing happened to me about a year ago concerning this song. And I'm pretty certain that it has something to do with political correctness. Although , in my opinion , "very vaguely" , I would say.
So , the story starts with one of my study-books for English. You know , the sorts of books that you use in your studies and they have all sorts of grammar , pronounciation etc. exercises for you. So , at this one page , there's the lyrics of this "Big yellow taxi" - song printed on it. I can't remember for sure , but I guess it had something to do with the text the opposite page was about. But for some reason , I remembered this one part about the song that just didn't seem to add up with the original lyrics of the song.
Once again , don't ask me how was that possible at all. But, this one little thing in the lyrics at this part really puzzled me. Just look;
listenin' late last night
i heard the screen door slam
and a big yellow taxi took my girl away
now, don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you've got
til its gone
they paved paradise
and put up a parking lot
Alright , I want you to pay special attention to the part I bolded and painted with red. Since , in the book , this part went like this:
listenin' late last night
i heard the screen door slam
and a big yellow taxi took away my old man (Ouch , WTF ?!)
now, don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you've got
til its gone
they paved paradise
and put up a parking lot
I was a bit puzzled at first. Since , by god , what did the guy's old man have to do with this song ?! Absolutely fucking nothing ! It was a corny love song of some pop-rock band !? But you know , bringing in the old man surely twisted the plot but not much else. Therefore I wondered. What was the reason behind this little change in lyrics ? I could only come up with an answer that had something to do with political correctness. But , how had that piece of the lyrics broken political correctness , exactly ?
They should really put this thing into the X-files , man.
Let the sunshine in
The first time I woke today was around 10.07 AM.
The sky was fucking pitch-black and it was raining down these big ol' drops of rain. It took a few seconds for me to understand that the deep but nevertheless loud sound that hit my ears was actually a thunderstorm that came with the rain.
Well , I wasn't going to give a damn nor was I going suddenly jump out of the comfy warm bed and start pulling the electric-cords out of their sockets from one and all of the electricity-powered appliances in this house. So I just slept some more.
The next time I woke up , must've been a few hours later. I crawled out of the bed and put on a brown T-shirt and one of those shirts that men use when they've got suits on (for the lack of a better term). And it was black shirt too. The next thing was , that I poured a glass of milk to this small bowl and threw in some "mysli" (I'm sorry , couldn't find the umlaut from this keyboard). I chewed it down and then walked around the house a few times.
You know kids , never ever quit shaving because if you do , then you'll surely regret it in the morning.
As was the case this morning too. And if this keeps up , I'll either look like a 52-year-old Bohemian artist that's addicted to red wine and can't pay his child support for his ex-wife , or then I'll start receiving comments about looking alot older than I really am. Both of these options do not exactly make me horny and want for more , no. But , let's go over to some news in my personal life that have , for once , been resolved with the use of (as the title suggests) ordinary reasoning and common logic. Usually we'd just use a sledgehammer for that , hah-haa. Laugh.
But , the first big one that was "cracked" , actually , just this morning revolved around this PC-game called "Vietcong". You see , I bought this collection-pack of the game , called "purple haze". In the pack there was supposed to be the 'official mission pack' included for the game. But , for a straight week long I couldn't find it from either one of the CD's that were included with the game. I was quite convinced that I was too stupid to find it from the CD's or that it was so carefully hidden that a numbskull like me couldn't find it. I even bugged my girlfriend while being emotionally frustrated of the game to find a way to seek this mission pack from the CD's.
No-one could help me so I was just about ready to run to the mountain , shave my head and call myself Edna. But , then , I got some stamina from this frustration afterall , and decided to find out how many CD's were there supposed to be included in this pack that I bought. I quickly found out that there were supposed to be three little disks with the package whereas I had only recieved two ! God almighty ! Heureka , motherfunkers !!
After a few questions here and there concerning the acquiring-process of the game from the person I had sent to acquire it a few months back , we got some even more disturbing information. Apparently all of the packages in the gaming store were empty and the clerk had to put the contents inside it each and everytime. It was now quite apparent , that the very helpful clerk had actually forgotten to put the actual third CD with the case ! Oh , humanity and the proverbial suffering in the claws of satan in hell !!!
Luckily , however , we've still got the receit for the game. Now , we can probably go and exchange it back for the same amount of money that we bought it , or then they'll give us the third CD and finally they can - as a third optional choice - give us a new copy of the game with all of the CD's included.
We're going to go to that shop again very soon. However , we'll have to see if the return-policy of the game still applies at all. Now , if it doesn't , then we've just promised to get real angry and shout at the clerks for the utter incompetence in their job. And trust me , it's their fault , not ours. But , we'll have to see , of course.
Oh , and guess what , it's my girlfriend's "name day" today , apparently. What ? Like , you've never heard of "name day" ? Well , I'll tell you about it then. Firstly , I don't know if it's celebrated in any anglo-American countries , but at least around here every Finnish name has a day designated for it. It's like a small-scale birthday. So , you're supposed to celebrate it in a quiet and demeanoring way. Or then not.
But anyway , it's my princesses' name-day today. You know , I'm a pretty lousy boyfriend since the only thing I can remember concerning her name day is that it "happens around summer and that's when we started our thing too sometime ago". Well , more importantly , she's a very patient woman. So , I'm hoping she won't get mad since I'll try to fix this thing up too somehow in the not-too-distant future.
Well , that concludes our news-bulletin.
So , let's see what's next...
The sky was fucking pitch-black and it was raining down these big ol' drops of rain. It took a few seconds for me to understand that the deep but nevertheless loud sound that hit my ears was actually a thunderstorm that came with the rain.
Well , I wasn't going to give a damn nor was I going suddenly jump out of the comfy warm bed and start pulling the electric-cords out of their sockets from one and all of the electricity-powered appliances in this house. So I just slept some more.
The next time I woke up , must've been a few hours later. I crawled out of the bed and put on a brown T-shirt and one of those shirts that men use when they've got suits on (for the lack of a better term). And it was black shirt too. The next thing was , that I poured a glass of milk to this small bowl and threw in some "mysli" (I'm sorry , couldn't find the umlaut from this keyboard). I chewed it down and then walked around the house a few times.
You know kids , never ever quit shaving because if you do , then you'll surely regret it in the morning.
As was the case this morning too. And if this keeps up , I'll either look like a 52-year-old Bohemian artist that's addicted to red wine and can't pay his child support for his ex-wife , or then I'll start receiving comments about looking alot older than I really am. Both of these options do not exactly make me horny and want for more , no. But , let's go over to some news in my personal life that have , for once , been resolved with the use of (as the title suggests) ordinary reasoning and common logic. Usually we'd just use a sledgehammer for that , hah-haa. Laugh.
But , the first big one that was "cracked" , actually , just this morning revolved around this PC-game called "Vietcong". You see , I bought this collection-pack of the game , called "purple haze". In the pack there was supposed to be the 'official mission pack' included for the game. But , for a straight week long I couldn't find it from either one of the CD's that were included with the game. I was quite convinced that I was too stupid to find it from the CD's or that it was so carefully hidden that a numbskull like me couldn't find it. I even bugged my girlfriend while being emotionally frustrated of the game to find a way to seek this mission pack from the CD's.
No-one could help me so I was just about ready to run to the mountain , shave my head and call myself Edna. But , then , I got some stamina from this frustration afterall , and decided to find out how many CD's were there supposed to be included in this pack that I bought. I quickly found out that there were supposed to be three little disks with the package whereas I had only recieved two ! God almighty ! Heureka , motherfunkers !!
After a few questions here and there concerning the acquiring-process of the game from the person I had sent to acquire it a few months back , we got some even more disturbing information. Apparently all of the packages in the gaming store were empty and the clerk had to put the contents inside it each and everytime. It was now quite apparent , that the very helpful clerk had actually forgotten to put the actual third CD with the case ! Oh , humanity and the proverbial suffering in the claws of satan in hell !!!
Luckily , however , we've still got the receit for the game. Now , we can probably go and exchange it back for the same amount of money that we bought it , or then they'll give us the third CD and finally they can - as a third optional choice - give us a new copy of the game with all of the CD's included.
We're going to go to that shop again very soon. However , we'll have to see if the return-policy of the game still applies at all. Now , if it doesn't , then we've just promised to get real angry and shout at the clerks for the utter incompetence in their job. And trust me , it's their fault , not ours. But , we'll have to see , of course.
Oh , and guess what , it's my girlfriend's "name day" today , apparently. What ? Like , you've never heard of "name day" ? Well , I'll tell you about it then. Firstly , I don't know if it's celebrated in any anglo-American countries , but at least around here every Finnish name has a day designated for it. It's like a small-scale birthday. So , you're supposed to celebrate it in a quiet and demeanoring way. Or then not.
But anyway , it's my princesses' name-day today. You know , I'm a pretty lousy boyfriend since the only thing I can remember concerning her name day is that it "happens around summer and that's when we started our thing too sometime ago". Well , more importantly , she's a very patient woman. So , I'm hoping she won't get mad since I'll try to fix this thing up too somehow in the not-too-distant future.
Well , that concludes our news-bulletin.
So , let's see what's next...
Drugs - the free-willing dilemma.
You know , I was supposed to write about this pretty evil experience that I had in the local Thai-restaurant along with it's aftermath , but Blogger messed it up. So , I'll just write about something else then. This time , I guess we'll talk about my views on drugs.
Alright - First off , what do I think of drugs and drug-users in general ?
Well , drugs are like candy-bars and alcohol. People choose to buy them and get addicted. No-one forces their use on you. In my opinion they should be legalized so everyone could get them if they wanted to.
Why such a universal solution ? Well , in my opinion , you shouldn't stop people from acquiring this sort of stuff if they really and absolutely wanted them. But , what should be made clear after the legalizing of all drugs , is that no-one , and lastly the society would be in no position to help or assist in any rehabilitation of drug-addicts. These people , like alcoholics have all made a choice to drink like hell. No-one's made them do it. So , like that one quote says: "life's hard , but it's harder if you're stupid".
Of course drug-use would increase after the legalization. But so what ? If some crazy fuck-heads inhaling PCP would decide to go around running with assault weapons in hand and shooting other people , the best way would be to just order the law-enforcement to put a few bullets in the drug-users skulls. As for the passive addicts , I would only let them continue on with their lives until they would have enough of spiritual strength and willingness to quit using the stuff all by themselves , or die. Since , many times the government-supported rehabilitation programs for the addicts are a completely useless money-drain. Of course some of them turn up a few successes , but the concencus still is that they are a lot more useless than useful.
Yes , I do not understand the idea behind rehabilitation clinics. Since , people these days should be able to have the guts to just simply stand up and decide not to use them anymore. You don't need clinics for it - You can just stop and decide that you'll never again going to touch the stuff. You just need enough will power and emotional strength to overcome it. Just as much as you've needed that emotional strength to start using them , too.
If some people would actually survive many years of constant drug-use and still call themselves happy and contributing members of the society , then I would happily let them have their drugs. Who's to deny something like this - what could be compared to candy or alcohol- from the common folk ? If a person truly wants to get high then by god he should , too. But, the risks come with it too , of course. The individual has to understand the risks too , I'm afraid.
It wouldn't be mine - or the society's problem if the person ended up in the proverbial "gutter" after using them. I would deny them any rehabilitation programs and just tell them to straighten themselves up. Because , afterall , they had started to use drugs out of their own free will. The spoils come with it , unfortunately.
After enough of bodies littering the sidewalk and teen-age girls shooting liquid heroin into their veins in broad daylight people might actually get the big idea. The big idea being that drugs just aren't OK and that they will sooner or later kill you. They're a cheap and fast thrill that will always come calling time after time. If a life like that sounds comfortable and nice to you , dear reader , I suggest that you start hoping for my election as the president one day.
Alright - First off , what do I think of drugs and drug-users in general ?
Well , drugs are like candy-bars and alcohol. People choose to buy them and get addicted. No-one forces their use on you. In my opinion they should be legalized so everyone could get them if they wanted to.
Why such a universal solution ? Well , in my opinion , you shouldn't stop people from acquiring this sort of stuff if they really and absolutely wanted them. But , what should be made clear after the legalizing of all drugs , is that no-one , and lastly the society would be in no position to help or assist in any rehabilitation of drug-addicts. These people , like alcoholics have all made a choice to drink like hell. No-one's made them do it. So , like that one quote says: "life's hard , but it's harder if you're stupid".
Of course drug-use would increase after the legalization. But so what ? If some crazy fuck-heads inhaling PCP would decide to go around running with assault weapons in hand and shooting other people , the best way would be to just order the law-enforcement to put a few bullets in the drug-users skulls. As for the passive addicts , I would only let them continue on with their lives until they would have enough of spiritual strength and willingness to quit using the stuff all by themselves , or die. Since , many times the government-supported rehabilitation programs for the addicts are a completely useless money-drain. Of course some of them turn up a few successes , but the concencus still is that they are a lot more useless than useful.
Yes , I do not understand the idea behind rehabilitation clinics. Since , people these days should be able to have the guts to just simply stand up and decide not to use them anymore. You don't need clinics for it - You can just stop and decide that you'll never again going to touch the stuff. You just need enough will power and emotional strength to overcome it. Just as much as you've needed that emotional strength to start using them , too.
If some people would actually survive many years of constant drug-use and still call themselves happy and contributing members of the society , then I would happily let them have their drugs. Who's to deny something like this - what could be compared to candy or alcohol- from the common folk ? If a person truly wants to get high then by god he should , too. But, the risks come with it too , of course. The individual has to understand the risks too , I'm afraid.
It wouldn't be mine - or the society's problem if the person ended up in the proverbial "gutter" after using them. I would deny them any rehabilitation programs and just tell them to straighten themselves up. Because , afterall , they had started to use drugs out of their own free will. The spoils come with it , unfortunately.
After enough of bodies littering the sidewalk and teen-age girls shooting liquid heroin into their veins in broad daylight people might actually get the big idea. The big idea being that drugs just aren't OK and that they will sooner or later kill you. They're a cheap and fast thrill that will always come calling time after time. If a life like that sounds comfortable and nice to you , dear reader , I suggest that you start hoping for my election as the president one day.
Blogger , you fucking suck !!
I was just about to post a large rant of my adventures in a Thai-restaurant and this stupid piece of shit messed it up..
Aaaarrgggg---ROOAAARRGGHHH , I'm angry now.
Fuck you , blogger.
Aaaarrgggg---ROOAAARRGGHHH , I'm angry now.
Fuck you , blogger.
Terveisiä helvetistä.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Nice little doggies.. FROM HELL , ha-haah !!
You know , there isn't too many forms of art that I can honestly admit on liking.
There's just a few pieces of art from a few odd artists that I like. Although , from all the mainstream stuff that I've seen cubism is pretty much the only thing I can accept too. Picasso made some very fine works in his time and "Guernica" is certainly my favorite from all of them.
Anyway , I picked up these cute little thingies a few days ago from a little shop in this city that was selling all sorts of spiritual stuff. These things were closed inside a small cupboard. They had all sorts of weird dragon-statues and fairies for sale in that shop too. The music in there was relaxing and constant. It almost felt , smelled and tasted like a goddamn hippie den.
These puppies catched my attention the moment I walked inside the shop and found the corner. They grinned like a pair of creatures straight from hell and were blood red in color. Yeah , almost like these small crimsom guardians that were ready to bite the heads of your enemies right off. So , I had to have them , and luckily the price for them wasn't too bad , although I ended up paying for both of them. Since , they were like a set , or something.
The salesperson , who was a pretty short young lady didn't give me too much background info on them , and to tell you the truth , I wouldn't have cared for it either. I was interested in them only due to their looks. The whole posture that those two blood-red creatured had was already of a incentive for me to acquire them. I could actually picture them lurking in the shadows with those huge fucking jaws open and fangs ready to strike... Strike at my enemies of course !
Plus , their eyes were glowing like crazy. I like red glowing eyes.
So , I bought em' and brought them back here. Now all I've got to worry about will be on how to transport them back home safely. I just hope that they will withstand the journey back home in an airplane. I've heard all sorts of shitty history about those baggage-personnel working in the airports , man.. A lot of people have lost alot of expensive stuff due to their carelessness and general disregard on the correct handling of the passenger's luggage.
But , meanwhile , I've had another task ahead of me with these cuties - making up names for them !
When I started the process of coming up with names for them I had several factors to take into account. First of all , were these things both boys ? Or were they girls ? They had four legs so were they lions , tigers or dogs ?
I had alot of questions to answer - but very little means on finding the answers. So , I figured that the best way was to play it by ear.
Now , granted , I did call them the 'red tiger brothers from hell' first. But then , my girlfriend kinda turned things upside down and started referring to them as dogs. Well , it wasn't a bad turn of events , so now they're called the 'red devil-dog brothers from hell' ! Since , we don't know about their true species !
In the event that one or both of them are girl-doggies , I've also taken the appropriate measures. The other one will be called Jena and the other one will be Mira. That way they will most likely sound like sisters. And I like that , too. But , if they're both boys , then the other one will be Lucifer and the other one Kane. And if they are a mixed couple , then we'll just do a lottery between Jena/Lucifer and Jena/Kane. Pretty simple , huh ?
You know , the actual reason why I've been making such plans for different names for them is that they do look the same but actually they're not. The other one , who I'll call Kane for now , has a crystal ball (or a similar circular object) under his paw. And in turn , my cutie-woozie Lucifer has a small red devil-dog under his paw ! That thing is grinning that megalomanic and mysterious smile too ! Pretty freakin' cool , eh !?
I wonder what are these devil-dogs meant for , actually. They're certainly oriental in origin and since I picked them up from a shop that sold all sorts of spiritual stuff they must be used in these sorts of operations. I'd speculate that they'd be meant as guardians of some sort. And , that's the role I've been thinking on utilizing them for , anyway.
You people should see how the shadows play on these statues during the night. They're blood-red , more like crimson in color as you can see. What a great thing that someone decided on painting them that way. It truly does them credit.
Dusk approaches.. (FDTD:n jatko-osa !)
Kävin noutamassa ale-laarista FDTD:n jatko-osan nimellä "Texas blood-money".
Olen aika varma ettei tämä elokuva olisi ollenkaan hyvä , nimittäin en ole nähnyt kuin ehkä kolme tai neljä hyvää jatko-osaa elämäni aikana. Vanha viidakon sananlasku pätee siis tähänkin; "elokuva on aina huonompi kun alkuperäinen kirja ja jatko-osat ovat 99 & prosentin varmuudella aina huonoja". Ennakko-odotukset olivat siis aika alhaiset , sanoisin.
Tarina alkaa täysin mihinkään liittymättömällä kohtauksella jossa Bruce Campbellin (se evil dead - mies) esittämä miesjuristi ja nainen kuolevat pysähtyneeseen hissiin vampyyrilepakkojen hyökkäyksen kohteena. Sen jälkeen kumpaakaan ei enää nähdä elokuvan aikana eikä heistä puhuta enää koskaan missään milloinkaan paitsi että Mr. evil dead on kylläkin saanut nimensä kissan kokoisin kirjaimin elokuvan kanteen. Tämä hieman kummastutti minua lähinnä sen takia että koko kohtaus ei liittynyt elokuvaan itseensä enää mitenkään.
Kuitenkin , pääasiallinen juoni alkaa epämääräisen hämärämiehen karatessa vankilasta. Tämäkin jannu on kiinnostunut ryöstämään pankin niinkuin edellisen osan Geckon veljekset , mutta sillä erolla että Geckon ämmän pojat olivat jo ryöstön tehneet ennen kuin päätyivät vampyyrien sekaan.
No , "hämärämies" tarvitsee apua ja soittaa vanhalle kaverilleen joka sattuu olemaan ensimmäisessä kohtauksessa sohvalla "hommissa" naisensa kanssa. Kaveria , "Buckia" esittää Robert Patrick , eli Mr. T - 1000. Buck saa tehtäväkseen koota vanhasta nk. "keikkaporukastaan" uuden iskuryhmän hämärämiehen suunnitelman pohjalta Meksikon puolelle pankin kassoja vapauttamaan. Iskuryhmän tulee tavata hämärämies Meksikon puolella 72 tunnin kuluessa.
Buck saa mukaansa Stetsonipäisen parta-jeesuksen , hullun latinon sekä nyrkin ja hellan välissä palloilevan kotimiehen. Nämä sitten päätyvät ajamaan Meksikossa sijaitsevaan pikku-motelliin ja asettuvat katselemaan pornoa asuintilojensa sängyltä. Samaan aikaan toisaalla itse hämärämies ajaa autollaan lepakon päälle ja joutuu hakemaan läheisestä ja sattumalta "titty twister" - nimeä kantavan kuppilan baarimikolta hieman apua auton käynnistykseen. Baarimikko on vampyyri ja pienen tappelun jälkeen hämärämiestäkin purraan kaulavaltimoon veren roiskuessa.
Myöhemmin hämärämies vampyyrinä saapuu hotellille ja puree hullua latinoa ja tappaa hotellin omistajan tuulettimella.
Elokuvan käsikirjoitus on olevinaan täynnä "Tarantinomaista" mustaa huumoria ja absurdia dialogia , mutta epäonnistuu näissä halvoissa viritelmissä kovinkin pahasti. En myöskään missään vaiheessa kiinnostunut roolihahmoista kovinkaan paljoa , vaan pidin heitä yhdentekevinä. Odotin pikemminkin sitä kuinka kauan kestäisi että juoneen saataisiin jotakin selkoa tai että kaikki tarinan puolen tusinaa "avointa kysymystä" saisivat vastauksensa ja mahdollisimman nopeasti. Mitään näistä ei kuitenkaan tapahdu.
Seuraavaksi yksi toisensa jälkeen Buckin iskuryhmästä muuttuvat vampyyreiksi yöllä tapahtuvan pankkiryöstön yhteydessä. Sen jälkeen kaikki tappelevat Meksikon poliisia vastaan jotka osuvat keskelle pankkiryöstöä. Buck itse on kuitenkin ainoa joka ei muutu kaikkien yllätykseksi vampyyriksi , vaan pikemmin joutuu poliisien avustuksella tappamaan rynnäkkökiväärein ja haulikoin varustettuja vampyyrejä. En ole suoranaisesti koskaan nähnyt mitään niin typerää juonenkäännettä kuin näiden vampyyrien pankkiryöstö-aikeet. Ikävä kyllä.
Elokuvan kansikin on aika harhaanjohtava. Sillä se mikä elokuvan juonesta kerrotaan ei pidä paikkaansa. Toisin sanoen , elokuvassa ei näy ensimmäisen osan baaria kuin tasan yhdessä osiossa ja Bruce Campbell ei ole myöskään kuin yhdessä kohtauksessa. Hän saa kuitenkin nimensä kansiteksteihin... Näen selvästi että tässä on yritetty tehdä rahaa tai saada edes jotakin huomiota noinkin hyvän elokuvan jatko-osalle muutaman kuuman nimen avulla.
No , tämä elokuva ei saa minulta hyvää arvosanaa enkä halua että siihen kosketaan edes paljailla käsilläkään. Se on hieman niinkuin toinen Persianlahden sota. Pitkä , tarpeeton ja sisällöltään ei pääse lähellekään edellisen "osan" legendaarisia ja sankarillisia tapahtumia.
Näille asioille en kuitenkaan voi mitään. Tämä on nyt tullut tehtyä ja saamme elää sen kanssa.
Btw , sain tietää että FDTD - sarjaan on vielä olemassa kolmaskin osa joka keskittyy... Vampyyri-westerniin... Allekirjoittanut on vielä hieman kahden vaiheilla siitä pitäisikö moinen kappale hankkia vaiko eikö.
Olen aika varma ettei tämä elokuva olisi ollenkaan hyvä , nimittäin en ole nähnyt kuin ehkä kolme tai neljä hyvää jatko-osaa elämäni aikana. Vanha viidakon sananlasku pätee siis tähänkin; "elokuva on aina huonompi kun alkuperäinen kirja ja jatko-osat ovat 99 & prosentin varmuudella aina huonoja". Ennakko-odotukset olivat siis aika alhaiset , sanoisin.
Tarina alkaa täysin mihinkään liittymättömällä kohtauksella jossa Bruce Campbellin (se evil dead - mies) esittämä miesjuristi ja nainen kuolevat pysähtyneeseen hissiin vampyyrilepakkojen hyökkäyksen kohteena. Sen jälkeen kumpaakaan ei enää nähdä elokuvan aikana eikä heistä puhuta enää koskaan missään milloinkaan paitsi että Mr. evil dead on kylläkin saanut nimensä kissan kokoisin kirjaimin elokuvan kanteen. Tämä hieman kummastutti minua lähinnä sen takia että koko kohtaus ei liittynyt elokuvaan itseensä enää mitenkään.
Kuitenkin , pääasiallinen juoni alkaa epämääräisen hämärämiehen karatessa vankilasta. Tämäkin jannu on kiinnostunut ryöstämään pankin niinkuin edellisen osan Geckon veljekset , mutta sillä erolla että Geckon ämmän pojat olivat jo ryöstön tehneet ennen kuin päätyivät vampyyrien sekaan.
No , "hämärämies" tarvitsee apua ja soittaa vanhalle kaverilleen joka sattuu olemaan ensimmäisessä kohtauksessa sohvalla "hommissa" naisensa kanssa. Kaveria , "Buckia" esittää Robert Patrick , eli Mr. T - 1000. Buck saa tehtäväkseen koota vanhasta nk. "keikkaporukastaan" uuden iskuryhmän hämärämiehen suunnitelman pohjalta Meksikon puolelle pankin kassoja vapauttamaan. Iskuryhmän tulee tavata hämärämies Meksikon puolella 72 tunnin kuluessa.
Buck saa mukaansa Stetsonipäisen parta-jeesuksen , hullun latinon sekä nyrkin ja hellan välissä palloilevan kotimiehen. Nämä sitten päätyvät ajamaan Meksikossa sijaitsevaan pikku-motelliin ja asettuvat katselemaan pornoa asuintilojensa sängyltä. Samaan aikaan toisaalla itse hämärämies ajaa autollaan lepakon päälle ja joutuu hakemaan läheisestä ja sattumalta "titty twister" - nimeä kantavan kuppilan baarimikolta hieman apua auton käynnistykseen. Baarimikko on vampyyri ja pienen tappelun jälkeen hämärämiestäkin purraan kaulavaltimoon veren roiskuessa.
Myöhemmin hämärämies vampyyrinä saapuu hotellille ja puree hullua latinoa ja tappaa hotellin omistajan tuulettimella.
Elokuvan käsikirjoitus on olevinaan täynnä "Tarantinomaista" mustaa huumoria ja absurdia dialogia , mutta epäonnistuu näissä halvoissa viritelmissä kovinkin pahasti. En myöskään missään vaiheessa kiinnostunut roolihahmoista kovinkaan paljoa , vaan pidin heitä yhdentekevinä. Odotin pikemminkin sitä kuinka kauan kestäisi että juoneen saataisiin jotakin selkoa tai että kaikki tarinan puolen tusinaa "avointa kysymystä" saisivat vastauksensa ja mahdollisimman nopeasti. Mitään näistä ei kuitenkaan tapahdu.
Seuraavaksi yksi toisensa jälkeen Buckin iskuryhmästä muuttuvat vampyyreiksi yöllä tapahtuvan pankkiryöstön yhteydessä. Sen jälkeen kaikki tappelevat Meksikon poliisia vastaan jotka osuvat keskelle pankkiryöstöä. Buck itse on kuitenkin ainoa joka ei muutu kaikkien yllätykseksi vampyyriksi , vaan pikemmin joutuu poliisien avustuksella tappamaan rynnäkkökiväärein ja haulikoin varustettuja vampyyrejä. En ole suoranaisesti koskaan nähnyt mitään niin typerää juonenkäännettä kuin näiden vampyyrien pankkiryöstö-aikeet. Ikävä kyllä.
Elokuvan kansikin on aika harhaanjohtava. Sillä se mikä elokuvan juonesta kerrotaan ei pidä paikkaansa. Toisin sanoen , elokuvassa ei näy ensimmäisen osan baaria kuin tasan yhdessä osiossa ja Bruce Campbell ei ole myöskään kuin yhdessä kohtauksessa. Hän saa kuitenkin nimensä kansiteksteihin... Näen selvästi että tässä on yritetty tehdä rahaa tai saada edes jotakin huomiota noinkin hyvän elokuvan jatko-osalle muutaman kuuman nimen avulla.
No , tämä elokuva ei saa minulta hyvää arvosanaa enkä halua että siihen kosketaan edes paljailla käsilläkään. Se on hieman niinkuin toinen Persianlahden sota. Pitkä , tarpeeton ja sisällöltään ei pääse lähellekään edellisen "osan" legendaarisia ja sankarillisia tapahtumia.
Näille asioille en kuitenkaan voi mitään. Tämä on nyt tullut tehtyä ja saamme elää sen kanssa.
Btw , sain tietää että FDTD - sarjaan on vielä olemassa kolmaskin osa joka keskittyy... Vampyyri-westerniin... Allekirjoittanut on vielä hieman kahden vaiheilla siitä pitäisikö moinen kappale hankkia vaiko eikö.
Sunlight , daylight , twilight... We'll be here all night long.
HUOM: sisältää rankkoja spoilereita.
Tuli tässä eräänä päivänä katsottua varsin omituinen , mutta kieltämättä onnistunut elokuva.
Parasta siinä oli se etten omannut aavistustakaan siitä mikä elokuvan todellinen nk. "homman nimi" olisi kunnes vasta se sitten alkoi tunkeutumaan sisään näköhermoistani. Satuin nimittäin näkemään elokuvan "from dusk till dawn" (suom. "hämärästä aamunkoittoon") . Elokuvassa sattuu olemaan myös tämä George Clooney ja tietenkin Quentin Tarantino , joka on pikemminkin tunnettu ohjaajana ja käsikirjoitettajana. En ole kuitenkaan kummankaan osaan pettynyt. Päinvastoin.
Elokuvan tarina kulkee aluksi kahden pankkiryöstäjän kannoilla. Nämä Geckon veljekset ovatkin aika ilkeää porukkaa ainakin minun makuuni sillä heti melkein ensitöikseen he ampuvat sheriffin tämän tullessa ulos posliiniselta valtaistuimeltaan. Sen jälkeen huolto-asema räjäytetään ja seksuaalirikollinen Richard Gecko sattuu epähuomiossa hieman leikkimään panttivangilla ja lopputuloksena onkin hiukan.. "verta lakanoissa". Hahmojen välinen dialogi on selvää Tarantinon mustan huumorin sävyttämää kiroilua ja ilkeää kuittailua.
Seuraavaksi Geckot päättävät ottaa panttivangeikseen papin ja hänen lapsensa. Matka alkaa hiljaisesti taittumaan kohti Meksikoa josta ilkeät veljekset ovat päättäneet löytää paratiisinsa pankkiryöstöstä vapautettujen varojensa avulla. Richard Gecko silmäilee pappis-perheen 16 - vuotiasta tytärtä ilkeä kiille silmissään ("did you mean what you said back in the shower ?" - "what did I say ?").
Matka jatkuu Meksikoon josta löytyy sopivasti autiomaan keskeltä baari. Tämä "Titty twister" - juottola tarjoaa koko väelle jos jonkinlaisia nautintoja mm. alastomien naisten ja halvan Tequilan merkeissä. Tähän asti olen odottanut elokuvan jatkolta jonkinlaista rikostarinaa jossa "jokin asia menisi pieleen". Elokuvan kannesta bongasin myös Selma Hayekin nimen , joten odotin jonkinlaista romanttista käännettä elokuvan loppupuoliskolle myöskin. Kuitenkin , satuin erehtymään pahan kerran nimittäin seuraavassa hetkessä elokuvassa aletaan lahtaamaan baarissa notkuvia vampyyrejä vaikka millä mitalla !! Voin todeta , että tämä täysin tuulesta temmattu juonenkäänne ihmetytti minut hiukan enemmän kuin tarpeeksi.
Koko "vampyyri" - juonenkäänteestä ei saatu minkäänlaisia ennakkovaroituksia. Se vain tapahtui Selma Hayekin esittämän epämääräisen tanssijattaren saapuessa paikalle. Loput elokuvasta pyöriikin tuon jälkeen lähinnä baarista pakenemisen ympärillä jokaisen roolihahmon kuollessaan vuorollaan.
No joo , elokuvan kuitenkin pelastaa aika vahvasti sen ensimmäinen puolisko joka on Tarantinon työtä , kuten ole todennut. Vaikka toisen puoliskon juonenkäänne on epäilemättä aika yllättävä ja ensinäkemältä helvetin typerä , niin jotenkin sen pystyy sulattamaan ilman sen kummempaa valittamista ja kiroilua. Voihan.. ne vampyyritkin sitten hyväksyä niin kauan kun ensimmäinen puolisko elokuvasta meni noinkin hyvin , olen ajatellut tuon jälkeen.
Toisin sanoen , suosittelen elokuvaa. Se ei ole huono sillä vaikka jotkut teistä eivät sulattaisi ensimmäisen osan muuntautumista vampyyri-splätteriksi , niin toinen puolisko pelastuu vain ja ainoastaan ensimmäisen osan käsikirjoittajan ammattitaidon ansiosta. Kiitokset Tarantinolle , siis. Ja voin muuten todeta senkin , että tämä luomus pääsi "vampyyri-splätteri" - elokuvien hyvien tuotosten listalleni.
Annan tästä kunnianosoituksesta elokuvalle itsekin hyvän arvosanan ja "hanki tämä heti vaikka myymällä mummosi" - leiman. Sitä eivät monet elokuvat saa , muistakaakin se.
Tuli tässä eräänä päivänä katsottua varsin omituinen , mutta kieltämättä onnistunut elokuva.
Parasta siinä oli se etten omannut aavistustakaan siitä mikä elokuvan todellinen nk. "homman nimi" olisi kunnes vasta se sitten alkoi tunkeutumaan sisään näköhermoistani. Satuin nimittäin näkemään elokuvan "from dusk till dawn" (suom. "hämärästä aamunkoittoon") . Elokuvassa sattuu olemaan myös tämä George Clooney ja tietenkin Quentin Tarantino , joka on pikemminkin tunnettu ohjaajana ja käsikirjoitettajana. En ole kuitenkaan kummankaan osaan pettynyt. Päinvastoin.
Elokuvan tarina kulkee aluksi kahden pankkiryöstäjän kannoilla. Nämä Geckon veljekset ovatkin aika ilkeää porukkaa ainakin minun makuuni sillä heti melkein ensitöikseen he ampuvat sheriffin tämän tullessa ulos posliiniselta valtaistuimeltaan. Sen jälkeen huolto-asema räjäytetään ja seksuaalirikollinen Richard Gecko sattuu epähuomiossa hieman leikkimään panttivangilla ja lopputuloksena onkin hiukan.. "verta lakanoissa". Hahmojen välinen dialogi on selvää Tarantinon mustan huumorin sävyttämää kiroilua ja ilkeää kuittailua.
Seuraavaksi Geckot päättävät ottaa panttivangeikseen papin ja hänen lapsensa. Matka alkaa hiljaisesti taittumaan kohti Meksikoa josta ilkeät veljekset ovat päättäneet löytää paratiisinsa pankkiryöstöstä vapautettujen varojensa avulla. Richard Gecko silmäilee pappis-perheen 16 - vuotiasta tytärtä ilkeä kiille silmissään ("did you mean what you said back in the shower ?" - "what did I say ?").
Matka jatkuu Meksikoon josta löytyy sopivasti autiomaan keskeltä baari. Tämä "Titty twister" - juottola tarjoaa koko väelle jos jonkinlaisia nautintoja mm. alastomien naisten ja halvan Tequilan merkeissä. Tähän asti olen odottanut elokuvan jatkolta jonkinlaista rikostarinaa jossa "jokin asia menisi pieleen". Elokuvan kannesta bongasin myös Selma Hayekin nimen , joten odotin jonkinlaista romanttista käännettä elokuvan loppupuoliskolle myöskin. Kuitenkin , satuin erehtymään pahan kerran nimittäin seuraavassa hetkessä elokuvassa aletaan lahtaamaan baarissa notkuvia vampyyrejä vaikka millä mitalla !! Voin todeta , että tämä täysin tuulesta temmattu juonenkäänne ihmetytti minut hiukan enemmän kuin tarpeeksi.
Koko "vampyyri" - juonenkäänteestä ei saatu minkäänlaisia ennakkovaroituksia. Se vain tapahtui Selma Hayekin esittämän epämääräisen tanssijattaren saapuessa paikalle. Loput elokuvasta pyöriikin tuon jälkeen lähinnä baarista pakenemisen ympärillä jokaisen roolihahmon kuollessaan vuorollaan.
No joo , elokuvan kuitenkin pelastaa aika vahvasti sen ensimmäinen puolisko joka on Tarantinon työtä , kuten ole todennut. Vaikka toisen puoliskon juonenkäänne on epäilemättä aika yllättävä ja ensinäkemältä helvetin typerä , niin jotenkin sen pystyy sulattamaan ilman sen kummempaa valittamista ja kiroilua. Voihan.. ne vampyyritkin sitten hyväksyä niin kauan kun ensimmäinen puolisko elokuvasta meni noinkin hyvin , olen ajatellut tuon jälkeen.
Toisin sanoen , suosittelen elokuvaa. Se ei ole huono sillä vaikka jotkut teistä eivät sulattaisi ensimmäisen osan muuntautumista vampyyri-splätteriksi , niin toinen puolisko pelastuu vain ja ainoastaan ensimmäisen osan käsikirjoittajan ammattitaidon ansiosta. Kiitokset Tarantinolle , siis. Ja voin muuten todeta senkin , että tämä luomus pääsi "vampyyri-splätteri" - elokuvien hyvien tuotosten listalleni.
Annan tästä kunnianosoituksesta elokuvalle itsekin hyvän arvosanan ja "hanki tämä heti vaikka myymällä mummosi" - leiman. Sitä eivät monet elokuvat saa , muistakaakin se.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Limaisten valkokangashirviöiden turpakäräjät.
Kuumuus senkun lisääntyy tässäkin maassa. Olen joutunut olosuhteiden pakosta riisuutumaan jo pelkästään boksereilleni ja lisäämään hikinauhat ranteisiini jotta hien pyyhkiminen otsalta olisi mahdollisimman helppoa näinkin tukalassa olotilassa.
Juu , on huono olo ja tänään oli ukkonenkin. Paras lämpötila taisi olla 26 astetta täällä Svea-riken länsirannikolla. Ja voin sanoa , että jokaisen asteen kahdekymmenen yli tuntee aina siellä... sisimmässään saakka.
No , kuitenkin , olen tästä helle-aallosta huolimatta onnistunut siirtymään kaupungin sataman läheisyydessä sijaitsevaan elokuvaliikkeeseen. Siellä nyt oli vaikka mitä , ja epäilenpä että tullaan käymään siellä vielä uudestaankin kunhan kiireiltämme ehdimme. Ostin sieltä viitisen elokuvaa josta kaksi olivat suhteellisen uusiakin tekeleitä. Nimittäin , hankittua tuli tämä kauan-kohuttu Alien vs. predator - elokuva , Resident evil: Apocalypse , sekä myöskin "the day the world ended" sekä tämä Suomalainen "etulinjan edessä". Emme ole ehtineet tutustua kuin AVP:hen sekä tähän maailman viimeistä päivää käsittelevään rainaan. Tuo viimeksi mainittu on muuten valmistettu 1950 - luvulla , joten "kauhun elementit" elokuvassa ovat sitten sen mukaisia.
Kuitenkin , elokuvan äärimmäisen halvasta hinnasta ja selvästi negatiivisesta ennakkoaavistuksesta huolimatta satuin pitämään siitä kovinkin paljon. Nimittäin , elokuvan juoni käsitteli seitsemää ihmistä jotka ydinsodan seurauksena päätyivät samaan pieneen taloon jossa yrittivät sitten enemmän tai vähemmän sopuisasti elellä kunnes "mustahiuksinen" pahis-gangsteri päättää ruveta pomoilemaan ja yrittää alituisesti viedä talon isännän revolveria. Leffan sankari , vaaleahiuksinen Amerikkalaispoika aina tasaisin väliajoin pasauttaa mustapää-Gangsteria turpiin revolverinkähveltämis-operaation johdosta ja sitten naisten kimppuun hyökkää ilmeisesti pahvimassasta valmistettu mutantti. Hätä ei kuitenkaan ole sennäköinen eikä ollenkaan kriittinen , sillä mutantti "onneksi" sulaa kun päähenkilö ja hänen naisensa menevät järveen seisomaan ja odottavat kunnes alkaa sataa. Sateella nimittäin kaamea apinasta kehittynyt piru-mutantti alkaa savuttamaan epämääräisesti ja sulaa pois.
Suosittelen elokuvaa , sillä se maksaa vain 39 kruunua ja yrittää tosissaan olla jonkinlaista scifiä suoraan 1950-luvulta. Olemme luvanneet tänään katsoa sen apocalypsen , jotta saamme vihdoinkin tietää että onko tämän keskinkertaisen RE-elokuvan jatko-osalle ylipäätään mitään hyötyä olla olemassa.
Mutta , tänään tuli todellaki katsottua "ihan niinku oikeesti hei" tuo RE - elokuvien ohjaajan Alien vs. predator - tuotos. Voin sanoa , että vaikka ennakko-odotukset sille olivatkin todella pohjamudissa , yllätyin sen hienoista taistelukohtauksista sekä jälleen ihan keskinkertaisesta laadusta. Loppu oli kuitenkin kuin suoraan Predator - sarjan tuotoksista , eli toisinsanoen mikään asia ei auennut elokuvan juonesta tyhjentävästi. Koko juonikin oli hiukan ontto sillä pääasiassahan haluttiin vain näyttää Alienin ja Predatorin tappelua valko-kankaalta käsin.. No joo , vihdoinkin.
Mutta loppu elokuvalle oli silti aika huono , sillä oletin ettei se sortuisi pakolliseen "ainakin yksi jatko-osa vielä" - kliseeseen , jonka se nyt näytti tekevän sitten kuitenkin. Huonompi tämä oli kuin ensimmäinen RE - elokuva , muttei kuitenkaan huonompi kuin Alien 4.
No , vaikkei AVP - elokuvana ollutkaan niin hätkähdyttävä kokemus , niin meillä on vielä se RE: apocalypse näkemättä. Odotukset ovat nyt korkeammalla kuin ennen , mutteivat kuitenkaan niin korkealla kuin silloin Matrix:reloadedin aikaan.. Sillä , mikään ei voinut hipoa lähellekään sitä himoa mitä koin sitä elokuvaa odotellessani.. Kieltämättä petyin silloinkin , niin.
Mutta , asiasta toiseen. Hankkikaapa näitä 50 - luvun kauhuelokuvia jos on kiinnostusta. Ne ovat nimittäin älyttömän halpoja ja ainakin minulle , puhtaasti amatööri-elokuvien tekijänä , niillä on eräänlaista arvoa. Joten , heti kauppaan hakemaan sellaisetkin löydöt kuin "WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST" , "VOODOO WOMAN" , "THE SPIDER" sekä tietenkin "THE UNDEAD" ja "HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER"... Buahahahahah !
Menen "aivan saletisti" ostamaan niitä vielä lisää.
Juu , on huono olo ja tänään oli ukkonenkin. Paras lämpötila taisi olla 26 astetta täällä Svea-riken länsirannikolla. Ja voin sanoa , että jokaisen asteen kahdekymmenen yli tuntee aina siellä... sisimmässään saakka.
No , kuitenkin , olen tästä helle-aallosta huolimatta onnistunut siirtymään kaupungin sataman läheisyydessä sijaitsevaan elokuvaliikkeeseen. Siellä nyt oli vaikka mitä , ja epäilenpä että tullaan käymään siellä vielä uudestaankin kunhan kiireiltämme ehdimme. Ostin sieltä viitisen elokuvaa josta kaksi olivat suhteellisen uusiakin tekeleitä. Nimittäin , hankittua tuli tämä kauan-kohuttu Alien vs. predator - elokuva , Resident evil: Apocalypse , sekä myöskin "the day the world ended" sekä tämä Suomalainen "etulinjan edessä". Emme ole ehtineet tutustua kuin AVP:hen sekä tähän maailman viimeistä päivää käsittelevään rainaan. Tuo viimeksi mainittu on muuten valmistettu 1950 - luvulla , joten "kauhun elementit" elokuvassa ovat sitten sen mukaisia.
Kuitenkin , elokuvan äärimmäisen halvasta hinnasta ja selvästi negatiivisesta ennakkoaavistuksesta huolimatta satuin pitämään siitä kovinkin paljon. Nimittäin , elokuvan juoni käsitteli seitsemää ihmistä jotka ydinsodan seurauksena päätyivät samaan pieneen taloon jossa yrittivät sitten enemmän tai vähemmän sopuisasti elellä kunnes "mustahiuksinen" pahis-gangsteri päättää ruveta pomoilemaan ja yrittää alituisesti viedä talon isännän revolveria. Leffan sankari , vaaleahiuksinen Amerikkalaispoika aina tasaisin väliajoin pasauttaa mustapää-Gangsteria turpiin revolverinkähveltämis-operaation johdosta ja sitten naisten kimppuun hyökkää ilmeisesti pahvimassasta valmistettu mutantti. Hätä ei kuitenkaan ole sennäköinen eikä ollenkaan kriittinen , sillä mutantti "onneksi" sulaa kun päähenkilö ja hänen naisensa menevät järveen seisomaan ja odottavat kunnes alkaa sataa. Sateella nimittäin kaamea apinasta kehittynyt piru-mutantti alkaa savuttamaan epämääräisesti ja sulaa pois.
Suosittelen elokuvaa , sillä se maksaa vain 39 kruunua ja yrittää tosissaan olla jonkinlaista scifiä suoraan 1950-luvulta. Olemme luvanneet tänään katsoa sen apocalypsen , jotta saamme vihdoinkin tietää että onko tämän keskinkertaisen RE-elokuvan jatko-osalle ylipäätään mitään hyötyä olla olemassa.
Mutta , tänään tuli todellaki katsottua "ihan niinku oikeesti hei" tuo RE - elokuvien ohjaajan Alien vs. predator - tuotos. Voin sanoa , että vaikka ennakko-odotukset sille olivatkin todella pohjamudissa , yllätyin sen hienoista taistelukohtauksista sekä jälleen ihan keskinkertaisesta laadusta. Loppu oli kuitenkin kuin suoraan Predator - sarjan tuotoksista , eli toisinsanoen mikään asia ei auennut elokuvan juonesta tyhjentävästi. Koko juonikin oli hiukan ontto sillä pääasiassahan haluttiin vain näyttää Alienin ja Predatorin tappelua valko-kankaalta käsin.. No joo , vihdoinkin.
Mutta loppu elokuvalle oli silti aika huono , sillä oletin ettei se sortuisi pakolliseen "ainakin yksi jatko-osa vielä" - kliseeseen , jonka se nyt näytti tekevän sitten kuitenkin. Huonompi tämä oli kuin ensimmäinen RE - elokuva , muttei kuitenkaan huonompi kuin Alien 4.
No , vaikkei AVP - elokuvana ollutkaan niin hätkähdyttävä kokemus , niin meillä on vielä se RE: apocalypse näkemättä. Odotukset ovat nyt korkeammalla kuin ennen , mutteivat kuitenkaan niin korkealla kuin silloin Matrix:reloadedin aikaan.. Sillä , mikään ei voinut hipoa lähellekään sitä himoa mitä koin sitä elokuvaa odotellessani.. Kieltämättä petyin silloinkin , niin.
Mutta , asiasta toiseen. Hankkikaapa näitä 50 - luvun kauhuelokuvia jos on kiinnostusta. Ne ovat nimittäin älyttömän halpoja ja ainakin minulle , puhtaasti amatööri-elokuvien tekijänä , niillä on eräänlaista arvoa. Joten , heti kauppaan hakemaan sellaisetkin löydöt kuin "WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST" , "VOODOO WOMAN" , "THE SPIDER" sekä tietenkin "THE UNDEAD" ja "HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER"... Buahahahahah !
Menen "aivan saletisti" ostamaan niitä vielä lisää.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Burning the midnight oil.
I've been back in Sweden close to a week now.
For three days straight now I've stayed up all night and went to the balcony to see the sun rise. It's not a bad view from the balcony and more importantly it's not that cold in the mornings at this time of the year. So , you just get to sit or stand there in the garden , and watch. Alot of things go through your mind at that time , you know. In that relatively warm morning twilight you really get time to think and consider. And reconsider , too , I guess.
I think about all sorts of stuff. Past relationships and things I've done. People I've met.
I guess.. I guess that despite everything , even I seem to have a few moments of .. You know , "emotional clearity". Yeah , even people like me sometimes just stop and think about the stuff they've done. But , these thoughts very rarely lead to any concrete solutions about what I should've done or should've not done in the past. The past just seems to keep on returning in front of me after regular intervals.
Can't say it's a good thing.. But , "somebody's got to take that part and live it".
Anyway , you heard about the bombings of the London subway network today ? Goddamn , 33 people got killed over there due to some Al-Qaeda pussies. I hope they'll catch the wankers who did this. And guess what ? Me and a few others in this house were supposed to watch a movie today. It was about reporters in Baghdad during the first gulf-war. But , just as we were about to begin watching it , the announcer on the channel told everyone while the commercials cut in that the movie was going to be cancelled. We were a bit puzzled , to say the least.
We quickly learned the reason why. And guess what was the reason ? Well , the reason was the London subway bombings , "of course". Apparently the Swedish TV - channels decided not to show anything even closely resembling terrorism on their behalf when something like this happened.
I really don't see a connection between the bombings and being forced to cancel a perfectly good movie like that. It really doesn't shock people any more than a few glances of the evening news , trust me. But , the Swedes didn't see it that way , it seems.
The conclusion of the deal was , that the channel ended up showing a shitty "for the whole family" - movie called "Roxanne". It was more of a romantic comedy and I've seen it before too , so all of us in that living room swore at the Swedish channels' policy for a while and scattered at different parts of the house. No-one here watched the movie they replaced the Baghdad - thing with , since we had all seen it before.
For three days straight now I've stayed up all night and went to the balcony to see the sun rise. It's not a bad view from the balcony and more importantly it's not that cold in the mornings at this time of the year. So , you just get to sit or stand there in the garden , and watch. Alot of things go through your mind at that time , you know. In that relatively warm morning twilight you really get time to think and consider. And reconsider , too , I guess.
I think about all sorts of stuff. Past relationships and things I've done. People I've met.
I guess.. I guess that despite everything , even I seem to have a few moments of .. You know , "emotional clearity". Yeah , even people like me sometimes just stop and think about the stuff they've done. But , these thoughts very rarely lead to any concrete solutions about what I should've done or should've not done in the past. The past just seems to keep on returning in front of me after regular intervals.
Can't say it's a good thing.. But , "somebody's got to take that part and live it".
Anyway , you heard about the bombings of the London subway network today ? Goddamn , 33 people got killed over there due to some Al-Qaeda pussies. I hope they'll catch the wankers who did this. And guess what ? Me and a few others in this house were supposed to watch a movie today. It was about reporters in Baghdad during the first gulf-war. But , just as we were about to begin watching it , the announcer on the channel told everyone while the commercials cut in that the movie was going to be cancelled. We were a bit puzzled , to say the least.
We quickly learned the reason why. And guess what was the reason ? Well , the reason was the London subway bombings , "of course". Apparently the Swedish TV - channels decided not to show anything even closely resembling terrorism on their behalf when something like this happened.
I really don't see a connection between the bombings and being forced to cancel a perfectly good movie like that. It really doesn't shock people any more than a few glances of the evening news , trust me. But , the Swedes didn't see it that way , it seems.
The conclusion of the deal was , that the channel ended up showing a shitty "for the whole family" - movie called "Roxanne". It was more of a romantic comedy and I've seen it before too , so all of us in that living room swore at the Swedish channels' policy for a while and scattered at different parts of the house. No-one here watched the movie they replaced the Baghdad - thing with , since we had all seen it before.
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